Letting people use your personal pool when you are not home?

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I am trying to figure out how people even have the nerve to ask! Have friends that own lake cabins with boats etc. I would never ask to use it. Would they say yes if I did ask? Absolutely they would! However I believe it is wrong to ask to use certain things from friends and family. My father also has a lake cabin and as a kid I would use it regularly. As an adult I would never ask. My niece moved provinces and my brother moved her and was going to rent a trailer to pull behind his old 3/4 ton. I offered my new truck and trailer and he refused because there is that line of what is right and what is not. I finally insisted and he took it. Thats how friends and family should be. Assume nothing, ask only when you need to.
 
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Bosley said:
I am trying to figure out how people even have the nerve to ask! Have friends that own lake cabins with boats etc. I would never ask to use it. Would they say yes if I did ask? Absolutely they would! However I believe it is wrong to ask to use certain things from friends and family. My father also has a lake cabin and as a kid I would use it regularly. As an adult I would never ask. My niece moved provinces and my brother moved her and was going to rent a trailer to pull behind his old 3/4 ton. I offered my new truck and trailer and he refused because there is that line of what is right and what is not. I finally insisted and he took it. Thats how friends and family should be. Assume nothing, ask only when you need to.
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+1 This is the way it should be.
 
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Bosley said:
I I would never ask to use it. Would they say yes if I did ask? Absolutely they would! However I believe it is wrong to ask to use certain things from friends and family.
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I don’t know you but I know I’d say yes to you also. Because clearly you get it and I can trust you if you need something of mine. Pool, power tool or vehicle. I’m the same way. I never ask for anything even when it’s not a big deal. And if I was to ask, friends would know in their heart that I’d be super respectful of the favor.
 
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laurelsusername said:
My fiance does not understand 'what the big deal is' and refuses to back me up regarding the personal boundaries of our home.
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This ^^^^^

This is a pool advice forum and not a relationship advice forum. Your issues go deeper than liability. You can use liability as the excuse however this issue is a test of your relationship and communication.

Have you talked to your fiancé and explained what YOU need in the personal boundaries of your home?

This will expose if he puts the relationship with his family ahead of his relationship with you.

This will also expose the power structure in your relationship.

As a couple you both have to find the balance of when to take a firm stance and when to compromise. He is (an idiot) (insensitive)(uncaring)(not understanding your feelings and needs) if he stuffs you on this.

You two need to sit down, probe deeper, and talk this out. The outcome can be very healthy.

If I were to go deeper into this I would ask you:

- who owns the house?
- how long have you been together?
- how long you been engaged?
- why engaged and not married?

But this may not be the place for all that.
 
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It is perfectly reasonable to have boundaries and having control over what goes on in your own home is a pretty big deal. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about this. Your future spouse needs to communicate this to your in-laws without blaming it on you. You guys should be a united front.
 
cmc0619 said:
This thread brings to mind this Facebook ad I saw the other day. Airbnb for your pool I signed up just to see if they were serious. I can't even imagine...
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Very interesting. A couple of folks in my area are asking $100 per hour to use their pool. :p
Maybe that is the compromise needed.
 
Price out what a Million dollar policy would cost and tell your man HE and his family can pay that IF they insist on going against good sense.

Nope, nope, nope! Time to print out and read what Allen had to say up there about a good, sit down talk!

Kim:kim:
 

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kimkats said:
Price out what a Million dollar policy would cost and tell your man HE and his family can pay that IF they insist on going against good sense.

Nope, nope, nope! Time to print out and read what Allen had to say up there about a good, sit down talk!

Kim:kim:
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A million would cover a bad break on an arm or leg. Imagine a wheelchair causing accident and the lifetime costs associated with the persons treatment ? Probably in the hundreds of millions. I forget at the moment if my umbrella is 1 or 3 million but its only a drop in the proverbial bucket god forbid.
 
Buy $1mil umbrella policy. It's not that much more. Regardless of your presence, people can be injured at your property.
It sounds like you have an issue that is more about your privacy, than liability. Solve liability for practical purposes, but if you don't want people at your home when you're not there. you do not have to allow that.
 
If you have a weekly pool service and your bather load goes through the roof, your pool cleaner might up your rates for extra chemicals used. What if they can't service your pool because it's full of swimmers. Then there's the general liabilty question. If someone does slip getting in our out of your pool, maybe they could go after your service tech for making the steps slippy, after all they have a 1 million dollar policy!
 
I'd like to make a recommendation for you, that might help your battle with this. Have your fiance come on here and read all the comments from pool owners that don't even know you or him personally. The best/honest advice to get on subjects are from people that don't know anything about you, but usually know more about the topic of discussion at hand than you do.
 
Demegrad9 said:
I'm going through a similar thing, far less disrespectful though, not really disrespectful at all. A friend texted me about having a pool party "next saturday" but I'm heading out on vacation and wasn't sure if he meant the next occurring Saturday or next week's Saturday. Knowing we have a heat wave coming in this weekend, I was half willing to give me some instructions and let him use my house. But instead I just said I was coming back in the evening on Saturday and made it clear on the date and just suggested the next day, i.e. Sunday, next weekend when I'm back. So in the end, my answer is no I'm not yet willing to have people over without me there.

Another way you could handle it, hire a lifeguard and charge your MIL a gate fee. Don't allow outside food and drink and sell those to them as well!
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You need to be careful though, some municipalities would then consider that a commercial pool, meaning you need to follow municipal standards, and they are not TFP friendly
 
GosuPaintballer said:
I'd like to make a recommendation for you, that might help your battle with this. Have your fiance come on here and read all the comments from pool owners that don't even know you or him personally. The best/honest advice to get on subjects are from people that don't know anything about you, but usually know more about the topic of discussion at hand than you do.
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I like this idea. Good one GosuPaintballer :goodjob:
r.
 
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I have a friend with a vacation home in Florida, several months ago she had security camera's installed...Got an alert and when she looked people were in her backyard swimming in her pool...She was nice and told them to leave NOW or she was calling the police!! Some people have a lot of nerve
 

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