Well, the results are in! Lesson #1 learned...I should have only done liquid chlorine until the test got here. Those test strips read 0 CYA and they were not right at all.
FC 30.5 (Wowza)
CC .2
PH Not Tested
TA 100
CH 600
CYA 90
I really hoped I did the CYA wrong, so I redid it several times, each time with the same result. Ugh, well...guess its time for a 50% drain. Maybe it'll help lower the CH a bit too. The real trick is figuring out where 50% is. I know proportionately the deep end is only 1/2(ish) of the pool so I shouldn't have to go nearly that far. I'm going to hypothesize about 3.5 feet or so.
FC isn't even high enough at this CYA, and it seems absurdly high. Unless someone thinks I screwed something up and should re-test, I'll go get everything prepped to start the drain tonight.
I'm a bit bummed, wasn't totally expecting this, but at least I know I have the knowledge and support to do what needs to be done. I'm sure Leslie's could sell me a $70 bottle of Phosphate remover to fix all of this too. (#sarcasm)