Maybe create one of those infinite loop phone trees.
Hello, you have reached the Joyful household, your call is very important to us, please listen to the choices carefully.
For Billing, please press 1.
For Customer Service, please press 2.
For questions about cats, please press 3.
To place an order for delivery, please press 4.
For instructions on how to iron your shoes or paint your house, please press 5.
For directions to the nearest Walmart, please press 6.
Just make an endless list of options that goes on forever.
If they press a number, have it go on permanent hold with horrible music.