We have a new neighbor that is the same age as my youngest daughter, 13. We've invited their family to the pool several times, each time, she ignores my kid and just hangs out with the adults. Lately, our daughter 15 and our younger daughter have started inviting their friends durning the week, it's about 6-10 of them that show up from our neighborhood. You guessed it, our neighbors daughter that has show no interest in befriending our daughter, showed up at our pool yesterday with her mom, dad and older sister to ask me a question about an event coming up, while our kids had friends over. Both of their daughters sat down in one of our chairs and stared at the kids in the pool having a blast. I ignored the whole situation and finally got them to walk with me to the front of the house. I was blown away! I don't know what to tell the family. It's obvious, she wants to hang out too, but for all the wrong reasons. I refuse to let her use my pool unless we invite them as a family or if my kids invite them, but I don't know what to say when they ask me what's going on? If they just showed up like that, I know they will have they will have the nerve to ask me and I can't just come out and say, your daughter it's rude to mine, ignores her and thinks she's better that everyone around her.
Rude neighbor wants to swim
- Thread starter Queenpool
- Start date
Wobblerlorri
Bronze Supporter
- Apr 16, 2019
- 2,010
- Pool Size
- 4024
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- Vinyl
- Chlorine
- Liquid Chlorine
You could always say, "I'm sorry, I only allow X kids in my pool (X being the number of kids in the pool at any given time), it's a safety issue," until they get the hint and put in their own pool.
I'd go one step further.......... Now is not a good time as we have company, we will stop by your place later.
- Jun 7, 2017
- 9,053
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- Plaster
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- SWG Type
- Jandy Aquapure 1400
People take advantage of you with your permission.
jtpipkin
Bronze Supporter
gotta fight fire with fire - you'll lose either way, might as well nip it in the bud
- Nov 7, 2018
- 1,049
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- 14000
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- Plaster
- Chlorine
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- CircuPool RJ-60 Plus
Oye. That's why I don't talk to my neighbors. 
Just kidding. Neighbors on both sides of us have pools, and one of which is a "Pool Kings" type of monstrosity, so all the neighborhood kids want to be in THAT pool. They could care less about ours, which is A-OK with me!
Just kidding. Neighbors on both sides of us have pools, and one of which is a "Pool Kings" type of monstrosity, so all the neighborhood kids want to be in THAT pool. They could care less about ours, which is A-OK with me!
Stick to your guns, don't give in, even once! Remember they don't feel bad for being pushy! So don't feel bad for saying "no"
If it weren't for their daughter's behavior, would you enjoy the family's company otherwise? If so, then maybe let their kids join in group pool activities. Her daughter's rudeness could be completely unintentional. She might be shy, or she might simply prefer hanging around adults in group gatherings. She's right about the age where some kids do. Either way, it could be transitional behavior and you might end up knowing her for a very long time.
I’m wayyyy to brutally honest with people. I’d tell her, “your daughters a snot bag that needs to have her attitude cranked down a bit”.
I didn’t buy my house to make friends with the neighbors, if it happens, cool, if not, don’t care.
I didn’t buy my house to make friends with the neighbors, if it happens, cool, if not, don’t care.
"Sorry, don't mean to be rude but this isn't a good time right now."
IMHO, just showing up uninvited takes a huge set of brass tacks. I know I wouldn't.
- Jul 16, 2012
- 7,204
- Pool Size
- 27000
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- Plaster
- Chlorine
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- SWG Type
- Hayward Aqua Rite (T-15)
If you choose not to be super direct, which is problematic for many, then trying to understand where they are coming from by asking them probing question, and THEN explaining your point of view can be helpful. Listen first, talk second.
The old repeating back to them what they just said, so what I hear you saying is that... I appreciate that, but how this comes across is... And we aren't... So we feel the need to...
The old repeating back to them what they just said, so what I hear you saying is that... I appreciate that, but how this comes across is... And we aren't... So we feel the need to...
The more I think about this one ^^^^....... I know darn tootin well that my neighbors have company over. And we wait until later. If it was *really* important, A sorry to bother you text would be fired. As a last resort, one person would go ask for help. Not the family.
These kind of things have been my fear since we put our pool in last year. We are the only pool in our neighborhood of 20 and there are lots of kids. We get along with most parents but some just don't pay attention to their kids and it makes me uncomfortable from a safety standpoint. Our next door neighbor just moved out and out of fear of whoever might move in I put in 13 trees to block the view of my backyard so people don't get any ideas to just show up.
Those kids were the worst. You have to draw the line in the sand from the get-go. At this house THESE are the rules and there are no exceptions. Some kids would challenge me an hour later that they could do XYZ at their house. Point to it. It’s right there little buddy. Go on then.
Before the pool the offending kid would leave sometimes. Since then....... they straighten up every last time. Lol.
- Jul 17, 2019
- 3,714
- Pool Size
- 13000
- Surface
- Plaster
- Chlorine
- Salt Water Generator
- SWG Type
- Pentair Intellichlor IC-40
So I kinda get the parent's perspective thinking they are new to the area, wanting their kids to make friends, etc. I may give them a bit of leeway, since it sounds like the daughter learned the social awkwardness/cluelessness behavior from her parents.
And then when that runs out, do the southern kill them with kindness approach. "Your family really seems to enjoy swimming. Putting in our pool was the best thing we have done, you should do it as well. Here is my builder's number." etc...
And as a last resort, ask them if their daughter has been feeling well since swimming in your pool. Say that all of the other swimmers have reported having explosive diarrhea and vomiting since swimming. You will never see them again.
And then when that runs out, do the southern kill them with kindness approach. "Your family really seems to enjoy swimming. Putting in our pool was the best thing we have done, you should do it as well. Here is my builder's number." etc...
And as a last resort, ask them if their daughter has been feeling well since swimming in your pool. Say that all of the other swimmers have reported having explosive diarrhea and vomiting since swimming. You will never see them again.
Palpatine
Bronze Supporter
I don't know... 13 is an awkward age. Also, being new to the neighborhood doesn't make things any easier. Maybe the girl is shy or maybe she has some kind of special needs... or maybe she is truly a mean little girl. You haven't really provided enough info to make any true assessment... but again, the little girl is only 13 and probably wants to make new friends and have some fun.
It obviously sounds like the parents are a bit odd... just showing up with the whole family while you're having a pool party is proof enough of that... likely where the daughter gets her social awkwardness from. However, I wouldn't hold it against the little girl... she's just a kid. Just my opinion.
It obviously sounds like the parents are a bit odd... just showing up with the whole family while you're having a pool party is proof enough of that... likely where the daughter gets her social awkwardness from. However, I wouldn't hold it against the little girl... she's just a kid. Just my opinion.
I tend to agree that the behavior is more unintentional. You don't want to walk back a misunderstanding; that's almost impossible.
I think you dealt with it right: Despite your astonishment, you convinced them discreetly to move on. Maybe they got the message already.
Now if they keep doing it, call the cops.
I think you dealt with it right: Despite your astonishment, you convinced them discreetly to move on. Maybe they got the message already.
Now if they keep doing it, call the cops.
- Jul 3, 2013
- 9,028
- Pool Size
- 15000
- Surface
- Vinyl
- Chlorine
- Salt Water Generator
- SWG Type
- CircuPool SJ-40
True story of parents like this that the kids run there lives and do not listen to anyone...
I had a 24 foot jet boat that would move 5 mph with the wind and no engines on... I had a family come along and told everyone no one get in the water until I tell them to... I stop and throw ropes out so everyone can grab on when needed... this kid jumps downwind right after I stopped and the boat ran right over the top of him... both parents looked at me in amazement and asked what happened to there kid, that was now under the boat... they did not move, not an inch, just sat there looking at me... I jumped in the lake, pulled said kid out from under the boat and hauled him on the back... started the engine and returned to the beach.... The kid did not listen to them so why would he listen to me...
You can ask them or tell them anything you want but nothing will change if they do not understand or do not want to change...
I had a 24 foot jet boat that would move 5 mph with the wind and no engines on... I had a family come along and told everyone no one get in the water until I tell them to... I stop and throw ropes out so everyone can grab on when needed... this kid jumps downwind right after I stopped and the boat ran right over the top of him... both parents looked at me in amazement and asked what happened to there kid, that was now under the boat... they did not move, not an inch, just sat there looking at me... I jumped in the lake, pulled said kid out from under the boat and hauled him on the back... started the engine and returned to the beach.... The kid did not listen to them so why would he listen to me...
You can ask them or tell them anything you want but nothing will change if they do not understand or do not want to change...
Well. . . .
I completely understand not wanting the next door neighbor kids in the pool. The kids next door to ours had nasty dirty mouths, showed no respect for each other, constantly swearing, and no, I didn't want that in my yard. They were the same age as my kids. Even their dad said he missed their pool and looked longingly at ours.
So I've been in your shoes. What I see with that girl is she's shy. Introverted. Maybe she's moved a lot. Maybe she's staring at her computer screen all day and is in daycare / babysat. I mean the social interaction of kids these days is so different from 20 years ago and it's even worse during this covid stuff. She sounds like she has no social skills. Maybe her parents told her to stay close, don't spread germs, we don't know these people, etc. Her behavior could be blamed on the parents.
It wouldn't hurt to talk to your neighbors. Remark on their daughter and ask if she's shy or has a health issue. She could be a wonderful friend if everyone opened up. I know when my youngest got to know a friend, I mentioned to his mom he acts different. She never noticed it but sure enough he was ADHD. Funny -- My youngest still stays in touch with him and they've been solid friends for over 25 years. Best man at his wedding. So you never know where friendships will go or how they'll start. I honestly think a lot of our kids interactions are due to parents stepping in. If anything, food for thought.
I completely understand not wanting the next door neighbor kids in the pool. The kids next door to ours had nasty dirty mouths, showed no respect for each other, constantly swearing, and no, I didn't want that in my yard. They were the same age as my kids. Even their dad said he missed their pool and looked longingly at ours.
So I've been in your shoes. What I see with that girl is she's shy. Introverted. Maybe she's moved a lot. Maybe she's staring at her computer screen all day and is in daycare / babysat. I mean the social interaction of kids these days is so different from 20 years ago and it's even worse during this covid stuff. She sounds like she has no social skills. Maybe her parents told her to stay close, don't spread germs, we don't know these people, etc. Her behavior could be blamed on the parents.
It wouldn't hurt to talk to your neighbors. Remark on their daughter and ask if she's shy or has a health issue. She could be a wonderful friend if everyone opened up. I know when my youngest got to know a friend, I mentioned to his mom he acts different. She never noticed it but sure enough he was ADHD. Funny -- My youngest still stays in touch with him and they've been solid friends for over 25 years. Best man at his wedding. So you never know where friendships will go or how they'll start. I honestly think a lot of our kids interactions are due to parents stepping in. If anything, food for thought.