I think what you have will work fine from an electrical bonding standpoint.
BUT ....
The OCD-Nerd in me would have done it differently. I would not have two bonding points on the heater. I would have simply gotten a piece of #8 bare copper wire and I would have run that wire from the connector on the bottom of the ProTek Shield to the bare copper wire running to the bottom lug of the heater and I would have connected it using a brass split-bolt connector. Electrically it's no different, but visually I hate the look of random insulated wires running all over the place. Nothing says "bonding wire" to the pool tech's eye like a run of bare #8 copper.