I can only answer a few of those. We'll need our build experts for the rest. (
@Jimrahbe,
@JamesW,
@1poolman1,
@jimmythegreek)
2) Jandy Neverlubes are the gold standard. The Pentair valves are also very good, but you didn't lose anything ending up with Jandy.
4) All multi-color LED pool lights are iffy, with not great track records and not great longevity. I'm fairly certain the Intellibrite 5G (if that's the model you're referring to) is as good/bad as the rest. I'm on my second one now. There were two versions (at least). The later version has a better heat sync which helped with the reliability. I'm sorry, I don't know how to best tell the difference from the outside. They fixed this problem several years ago, so as long as you get a new one (and not one that's been sitting on a shelf for the last five or six years) you'll be fine.
6) Depends on which is being mixed and matched. There are two primary considerations. (1) You'd want the main pump, the automation controller (or a future one) and the SWG to all be of the same brand. These components "talk" to each other (over a COMM line) and competing brands don't. (2) If you buy three certain Pentair items at the same time, on the same invoice, you get an extended warranty of three years on almost everything else Pentair that is also purchased on that same invoice. It's a significant warranty bump. You definitely want to pursue this one-time deal. Check out the details here:
Pool Product Warranty Information
That page is difficult to decipher, but it's all there. Be sure you and your contractor are on the same page about this important detail, and that he makes the Pentair purchases in such a way to take full advantage of the upgrade. Pentair rules are fussy when it comes to getting the extended warranty.
7) There is
huge difference between the IntelliFlo and the SuperFlo, like the difference between a Cadillac and a Buick. They'll both get you there, but which do you want to own! It's especially a big deal if you are getting, or will some day want, an automation controller. Insist on the IntelliFlo. Others here can help you with the model number.
Sympathies for your continuing saga. Hang in there.