My Dad's Pool

[Casey]

Several years ago I was telling my dad about TFP. He was very amazed. He ended up purchasing a 24'x52" pool for the grandchildren that he raised. I helped him get started to a trouble free life with his pool. I got him a TF100 and he did well with it as you can see.

On Tuesday July 9th, 4 days after his 68th birthday on July 5th (I called him to sing him Happy Birthday!) My dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. My world fell off its axis. I've asked my dad thousands upon thousands of questions except for one and its this...

Dad, how do you live without your dad?

I'm unclear on that answer as I have been completely devastated over this loss. If anyone can help me it would be much appreciated as I do not know how to deal with the loss of the first man I ever fell in love with.

 

[mknauss]

I am so sorry for your loss. My father passed away several years ago but he had a full life and was 93 when he passed. The last year we spent hours talking about the old days. It did ease the pain, though the loss was real when he did pass.

Get out memories, talk to siblings, go to or do things you enjoyed with him to bring back the wonderful memories.

Grief will pass, loss will be with you, but know he is in a good place.

 

[MyAZPool]

Casey
Very sorry for your loss.
Marty's comments so aptly and warmly expressed cannot be overstated.
Thoughts and Prayers!
r.

 

[Newdude]

Sorry for the loss miss. My dad had a long run also and had one heck of a ride. When he left i was more proud of how he lived than sad, but sad of course as well. You wont stop missing him but with enough time, the good memories will overpower the sadness. Its been 4.5 years and i belly laugh telling stories about him now. It sounds like you have your fair share of good stories too. They will help you get through this.

 

[bmoreswim]

So sorry for your loss Casey...

I can say that with my father's passing 2 years ago, it was different because he had Alzheimer's so his death was foreseen for years. The living part was harder with him. After his death it was time to do what we'd been getting ready for. Not easy, but different.

So we had years to work it out in our hearts ahead of time. While you are just now starting that process. My favorite way to deal with the feelings of loss are to tell myself that he lives on in/through me. But at the same time, I try not to let his memory be something that holds me back even if I follow a different path than he would have. My dad was a "how to" guy. You always asked him how to do something. For the things I learned how to do from him, I'm very thankful.

 

[Oly]

Does he have any siblings you can visit? You will be amazed at how you can see your Father in their eyes and mannerisms. It has brought me comfort as my Dad passed when he was only 56 and I did not even know the proper questions to ask at that time in my life. The family generational overlap is not that long and I am already understanding how it will impact my time with my Grandson looking forward. (he's in my avatar)
Our family and friends can be snatched away in a moment of time and it hurts deeply. Carry on for the young ones. Great pic of you two.

 

[Casey]

He was the last one @Oly. This loss is just to much for me.

 

[kimkats]

Casey! NO! Oh girl I can hear your pain!!! Do what YOU need to do...........if it is cry then do it! Don't try to hold anything back. Let your body tell you what it needs to do at this moment. Remember the stages of grief. You will go through them in your own time and might even slide back and forth through them over time. He loved you and was there for you during your whole life See if you can get your hands on some of his clothes to sleep with. His scent will still be on them and bring you great comfort.

 

[Tpopz]

It’s been a little over a year since my dad passed away and I can assure you....it gets better. In time, you will begin realize that your relationship with your dad hasn’t ended, it’s just changed. I would give just about anything to be able to talk to my dad just one more time face to face or even on the phone. But that doesn’t stop me from talking to him or asking for his advice. I also hear him in some of the things I say.

You will continue to have a relationship with your dad, it just takes some time to understand how it works.

Sorry for your loss

 

[Flying Tivo]

Iam fortunate enough to be able to work and live with him on a daily basis. I always think of what if? Comfort lies on what you got out of him. I really hope you where able to come out ahead. Memories are what we are made off. So sorry for your loss! Nothing can make up for that.

 

[Wobblerlorri]

Casey, I lost my daddy 36 years ago, but I don't mourn him anymore. That passed after a year. Now I remember the good times, and tell stories about him that make me laugh.

Hang in there, Casey. I'm so sorry for your loss, but the pain does go away.

 

[Casey]

Thank you. We were inseparable even after I "grew up". I called him every day. I talked to him the day he died. He sounded fine. His wife would answer the phone and I'd ask... Is my dad there?! He'd get on the phone and say, He-eh-eheeeey baby! How are you?! I just cant believe how much I miss this man! I would do anything for one last visit, one last call just to tell him that I love him so much.

He got one last swim in his pool 15 minutes before he passed away. It was hot and he was coughing a lot and he got out because he couldn't stop. He had to have my little sister help him pull his pants up because he couldn't catch his breath to do it. He got his inhaler and sat down on his chair on the front porch and it was over. It looked like he was sleeping. I'm just so grateful he did not pass in the pool with my little sister there. They were alone. She didn't even know he passed. My dad n his wife adopted her as a very small child. She has fetal alcohol syndrome. She would do whatever he asked of her. And she did. She pulled his pants up and went to watch TV. She did what she could without actually knowing what was going on. No one else was at the house to assist him. His wife of 19 years said that's how he talked about going. I need to be happy he was not sick and suffering. The sadness just overwhelms me.

 

[BMK]

Casey, so very sorry for your loss. The grieving period can be especially difficult, but remember this and it will hopefully give you strength.....much of who you as a person is because of him. In so many ways, you are the result of his influence and love. Therefore, he will always be with you.

 

[Casey]

I know you are right @BMK

 

[cfherrman]

Here one day, gone the next. Live life like every day is your last.

Your story brought a few tears to my eyes as I lost my dad a few years back as well, his heart stopped and that's not something you can typically recover from.

One thing that made me feel better is that we all have to go through this, every one of us.

 

[Wobblerlorri]

Casey, talk about it as much as you can and want to. That's the first stage of healing.

I still talk about my daddy. He would have been so excited when I had my horse farm, would have been there every day doing what he could to help. He'd have been ready to beat someone up when I became disabled. And he'd have LOVED when we put in the pool -- digging in the dirt and getting something perfectly level? Shoot, that would have been a dream come true for him! Even at the age of 89, which he would have been this year, he'd have gotten his hands on a bobcat and a laser transit from somewhere to level his baby girl's pool.

It's okay to miss him like fire, Casey. Just don't get so lost in grieving him that you forget the people who feel the same way about you.

Big hugs and tear wiping for you, sweet Casey.

 

[Griswald]

RIP, dad.

 

[Teald024]

Sorry for your loss Casey!
It’s never easy. I lost my father one month to the day after I married my wife. He had cancer and didn’t find it until it was too late and fought it for 3 months.
I got through it not by focusing on the end, but by remembering all the great things he taught me. You have mentioned many times how he was able to help you figure things out. Carry those with you and teach the next generation. Remember all the great times you had together. It’s hard, time will pass.

 

[salty87]

Look for comfort in the close relationship you had. That's a gift not available to everyone and wasted by many others.

It's cliche but he most likely wouldn't want you mourning. Try to focus more on celebrating his life and less on missing him.

None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. Hug your loved ones.

 

[Casey]

Sorry for your loss Casey!
It’s never easy. I lost my father one month to the day after I married my wife. He had cancer and didn’t find it until it was too late and fought it for 3 months.
I got through it not by focusing on the end, but by remembering all the great things he taught me. You have mentioned many times how he was able to help you figure things out. Carry those with you and teach the next generation. Remember all the great times you had together. It’s hard, time will pass.

My dad died on my 9th wedding anniversary.