Our neighbors expect an invitation to swim...

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Miami123

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Jul 24, 2017
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Coral Gables
Moderator comment: This post was separated out from this thread: Our neighbors expect an invitation to swim... - Page 2


imwarren said:
I must be an odd ball. I kind of have the reverse problem.
While leveling out my yard to install my pool my neighbors and 1 of their friends spontaniously invited them self over with shovles and picks to help. Even though I had been neighbors with them for 5 years, we had only been the friendly greeting type of neighbors. They not only helped for 1 full day
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You are one lucky guy! Looks like you got a real winning group of neighbors. I'd trade you in a second! I actually wish I had some neighbors I wanted to invite over knowing they would take it as an occasional invite and not think they have a right to impede whenever offering nothing in return. Instead my family and I constantly avoid the situation due to previous interaction knowing once we invite them over to use the pool things will go south.

It has gotten really awkward. Now almost on a daily basis when walking from our car to the house one of the neighbor kids will find some dumb excuse call one of us over to talk about something completely un-related to end up reminding us that the people who lived here before us said they could "use the pool whenever they wanted". Apparently "they didn't even need to ask". "They love that pool". We honestly think the theme is being pushed by the parents. I just shut it down and change the subject, but the kids are getting more and more pushy to the point of saying things like "when we come over to the pool to go swimming this summer". Or "yesterday when you were in the pool I was going to come over but i think the gate was locked". It's not even referred to as our pool... It's "the pool". Like some bizzare community asset that we clean and maintain but should have open access to.

I almost gave in once but my wife made a good point to remind me that we have never been invited over to their house, never, been offered a beer or a coffee, never been asked if we needed help with yard work, invited out back to their yard for fireworks on the 4th of July, or even been extended a "hey if you need anything we are right here". In essence we don't owe them anything.

Now I'm just trying to think how to politely shut it down when the parents ask if their kids can come over to swim which I think is right around the corner.
 
I could see how that would be annoying. I am actually on the other end. I see my poor neighbors sweltering outside and offer them to take a dip if they like because I feel bad for them. Our pool isn't anything special but only 2 other houses on our street have pools and they are at the other end. Only close friends have really used the pool so far but I would not mind a neighbor using it here and there on invite. Thankfully our backyard is very private so it is not like they are staring at us while we swim, hehe. It would be really uncomfortable if someone invited themselves. I like the idea of hosting a BYO everything party just to pacify them a bit.
 
Years ago this "friend" of mine would take his classic hotrod down to the neighbourhood gas station, fill it up with gas, give it a good wash at the car wash. He wouldn't buy any cigarettes at the gas station, or beer at the beer store right next door. Then he would stop by early saturday afternoon walk in the door ask if he could have a beer, after finishing his first beer he would be out of smokes, then would ask for a beer and a smoke..........this got old on the first visit. He tried the same trick the following week, I didn't answer the door.
I still talk to him but only in public places not at my place or his.
Strangers or in frequent aquaintances, I just point to the public pool 4 blocks down and say, hey you can use that pool.
 
Funny thread.

Option #1 - blame it on your homeowners insurance and your new policy...huge liability with non residents and their children swimming on your property - they are not an insured liability....maybe the neighbor would kick in $200 or so for added liability coverage.

Option #2 - because your chemical usage and chemical costs have gone up - you would be willing to allow your neighbor to pay for your chemicals for the year. ($250 - $300)
 
We just moved into a house with an inground pool. Part of the attraction of the house was the backyard and proximity to immediate family. I'm setting the ground rules right off the bat, if we don't know you then you aren't swimming in our pool and if we're not home no one uses the pool except for my adult son (and his wife/kids) who lives nearby and who knows how to clean and maintain it in our absence.
It flabbergasts me to hear your stories of people just inviting themselves over. So friends of the grand kids - nope. Made this clear to their mom today when she asked, no long winded justification needed on my part - simply said I'm not comfortable hosting friends of the girls. It's not always easy to say no, but the question has been asked and answered in a way that does not invite it to ever be asked again. We don't anticipate neighbours hinting for an invitation, almost everyone on the street has a pool.
 

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As mentioned above, large dogs are a great deterrent. They really do spend more time in the pool than anyone else so there's a good bit of truth in calling it their pool. Now if they'd just let me & the Mrs enjoy a swim by ourselves once in a while all would be well.
 
I like the look on parents faces when I say "sure they can come over, I'll put the muzzles on my dogs. They still might push you in but it's only because they're trying to bite you" If the tone in your voice is right they'll believe you and not ask any questions and just say "OK!"
 
You could always tell them you'd love to have them over, but were advised against it by your insurance carrier and your lawyer - because you use copious amounts of BLEACH in the pool water.
 
How about......."My Family" are the only ones I'd subject to swimming in that algae laden green monster we call a pool. Just can't take the risk for others. Maybe next year................
 
When we built our pool the builder went through our neighbours yard with fence panels down for three months. They have an open invitation to use the pool whenever we're in it, as do our other neighbors. They always text though before they come over to make sure we're not having family time.
 
We put a gate in the fence to allow easier access for our neighbors to the backyard / pool. Their kids and ours go to school together and are good friends. The 14 year old daughter is like a member of our family. Even though they know they have an open invitation to use the pool, they never come over without an invite first (which usually consists of one of the kids jumping higher than the fence on the trampoline and yelling, "Hey, C'mon over!!). They use and take care of the pool when we're away but never without asking. They know our all our rules and it works out very nicely.
As far as other neighbors / friends / relatives, I can't remember anyone that ever tried to invite themselves over or wrangle an invitation.
 
salty87 said:
As mentioned above, large dogs are a great deterrent. They really do spend more time in the pool than anyone else so there's a good bit of truth in calling it their pool. Now if they'd just let me & the Mrs enjoy a swim by ourselves once in a while all would be well.
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My dog Casey was like this! It was HER pool. We could never swim without her. She had to be in that pool because she knew when no one was in the pool or on the deck, she didn't use it under certain circumstances. There were many days when I'd sit on my lounger and throw the ball in and she'd use the pool by herself. She was a great dog. She'd even dive to the bottom of the pool and retrieve diving rings and sunken toys.

I don't have issues with people asking to use our pool. My children are allowed. No one ever asks. I like it that way.
 
Can't believe there are examples of people inviting themselves over! Crikey. I get along well with my neighbours and given its a recent build, would not mind letting them use it occasionally if we were in. Might hold a beer and bbq day and get everyone round!
 

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