@Liz315,
First let me say I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. Your pool experience should be a good one. I believe in matters such as this we should be objective not subjective.
For the skimmer to function properly it should be set to the level that the OEM deems acceptable. The OEM can also give you some guidance on proper water height levels to allow the skimmer to skim and ensure enough water gets back to the pump to prevent cavitation.
If you don't feel this is correct you and your husband should apply pressure on the pool builder to come out in person to look at it and to ensure it meets the OEM specification and is functional for your everyday use. If they say it's correct, but isn't within the OEM specifications, have them put in writing that its acceptable and they accept any liability associated with it in the future.
I'm certain everybody here just wants what's best for you and has given some great advice. It's very hard to refute what the OEM's specification is, the contractual water depth for the pool and ensuring placement such that typical industry standard has been met for allowable deviation in water height and things still function within the OEM standard.
You and your family are in my thoughts. FWIW kudos to you for taking this on and never giving up. I know that together you and your husband shall turn the corner with your PB. It shouldn't have to be that way, but also your husband should also be aware that the contractor is not valuing your concern and addressing them with any effort of validity. The end result could be one of three things. First, the skimmer isn't correct and will be more of a pain to fix later or now (physically and financially) for them. Second, the skimmer is correct and all of your concerns have been addressed correctly and objectively and the pool is "trouble free"

or three you're stuck with something that doesn't work correctly. In my mind #1 & 2 are the only acceptable outcomes for you and your family.
Good luck and we can't wait to see pictures of your completed project!