Yeti, I like and agree with Jim's response, but am posting my "cheap seats retrofit" info just in case your wife is determined on that furniture acquisition
In my case, I wanted to automate after buying a winter air dome to attempt yearround physio-swimming in Michigan. So I needed to have the heater turn on in the middle of the night to run up my temps.
My pool is a simple set up valve-wise with no water features. My swg is Aquarite, pump was an old Hayward (now retrofitted with a variable speed motor.) It had an old Intermatic mechanical timer.
Instead of retrofitting a major Hayward or Pentair controller, I found the Intermatic PE653 on sale at Smarthome for $320. It can handle a single speed pump or intelliflo vsp (but requires an add-on for other VSPs), can thermostat or dead start/stop the heater, and dead start/stops the swg...but doesn't control percentage. It can run lights (there are 5 relays) and with an expansion, can also run valve actuators. It comes with a waterproof hand held controller you can use in the pool, eg, bump up the heat

with the included temp sensor, it also runs freeze protection.
It does a great job and was an easy install for my electrician even though it was retro.
Here's what I can't do with it...I can't decide while offsite to increase my heater temp and turn it on for when I get home. I can't bump up the swg percentage from inside the house...need to trudge out to the pool house

Instead, I have to schedule for most likely scenarios. Some people have had luck integrating it with zwave, whole home automation systems, and you could get offsite control that way through Vera, for example. But not out of the box.
So while I agree with Jim 100% that its best to get the brand that fully talks with all your equipment and that there's no easier time to install during the build, I will also say that it is possible to spend considerably less than you're being quoted and still have some of the conveniences of automation. I honestly doubt I'd bother upgrading for my purposes

ymmv.