cleaning extension pole leaving gray stains on hands

That's aluminum for ya. Those old aluminum patio chairs with the plastic webbing were good for that, too.

You might try spraying the pole with lacquer or paint to seal it, but I don't know well that will hold up in pool water. The guaranteed fix is to get a different pole that's been anodized -- colored but not painted, sort of plated -- and you won't get stains anymore.
 
Aluminum is a very "dirty" metal because it creates an oxide layer when exposed to air, which is what makes it corrosion resistant, but that layer comes off easily when rubbed.

Usually aluminum items are anodized to create a more durable protective layer. There are different types of anodization, so more robust than others. Probably the anodization on your pole is beginning to fail.
 
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