Welcome wnorm51, and I'm truly sorry for your loss,
I am a newbie here too, and I was doing most everything Wrong and had no clue myself so I too am trying to figure it all out so We can just learn together. I can help you on some of the details.
It sounds like you might also need to SLAM the pool, but I will leave that determination, and those bigger details to the pros on this site who will be along shortly.
But I promise you, you have come to the right place for help. You will learn so much by being here.
Some of the things they will need from you when they arrive is for you to have your signature filled out already. Here is a link that describes how to do that.
http://www.troublefreepool.com/content/115-read-before-you-post
To fill out your signature Go to the Link on the left side of that page you will see Bold tabs that says My Messages, My Subscriptions, then
My Settings- Edit Signature is in that column. Just click it and fill in the needed information.
Also if you have a full set of chemical readings they will also be needing those too, but for now back to the Backwash to Waste Issue.
To clarify anytime you backwash it always goes to Waste. So did you mean you set your filter settings on top of your filter to the Waste setting, instead of the backwash setting? If so, all that does is dump your water if your levels get to high, but does nothing for cleaning your filter.
OR did you actually mean you Vacuumed your pool to waste (because the rest of the post makes it sound like this could have been what you meant?
Here are the how to's of both:
To backwash a filter you need to make sure your waste line is open if it has shut offs on it.
If the pump is running turn it OFF 1st before moving your lever to the Backwash position.
****ALWAYS SHUT YOUR PUMP OFF BEFORE MOVING YOUR FILTER LEVER TO ANOTHER POSITION:***
Restart the pump and allow to backwash for approx. 2 mins, You might Need to be adding water at this time too so your levels don't drop below the skimmer level during the backwash especially if your levels are now low from the earlier wasting?
STOP the pump again after the 2 min backwash
NOW turn it to Rinse, and run on rinse for approx. 1 min.
NOTE: RINSE will also cause water loss through the waste hose, so more water may be required to complete this?
STOP your pump again, and turn your filter back to FILTER position (ENSURING that any shut offs to your waste line are now closed back up if you opened them earlier).
Note: If your forget to turn the lever from waste, backwash, or rinse, it WILL drain a bunch of water from your pool, so don't forget to always switch it back to Filter.
When Vacuuming to waste: LOL you will think you need another 5 or 6 pairs of hands for this BUT you Can do this by yourself. *
*** I like to fill the pool up with water to a fairly high level before even starting because you will lose a lot of water vacuuming, but Vacuuming to Waste is so beneficial, and necessary to do Sometimes. I also like to brush the pool about 30 mins to an hour before vacuuming it BUT make sure it's done after the water is in because if not it will stir it up. Always brush down the walls and towards the middle of the pool.
To Vacuum To Waste:
1st have your pump running in the FILTER Position to prime all the air out of your vacuum line before beginning. Remove the Weir door, (that's the little flappy door on the skimmer), by raising it in the upward position, and pulling slightly upward. The weir door has little things on the side that you can push in to help release it.
Next place the swivel end of vac hose to vac head and slowly put the vac, and the hoses into the pool avoiding tangling them.
To get the air out of your vac line, WHILE holding your vac pole in hand, or mounting it somewhere with the vac head underwater (I hook mine over the swing set pole or use a tall Shepard's pole because once you start the water through it it is going to try to take off on you, but you can also just hook your arm around it as long as you keep the end underwater after removing all the air. lol it will feel like you have about 4 hands too few for this task but it does get easier over time).
To remove the air from the hose. Take the end of the hose that's not hooked to the vac and place it over where your return jet is sending water back into the pool. As the air is going out of the hose the VAC head will rise up in the water, and then sink back down once the air is out.
KEEP THAT LINE UNDER THE WATER and hook it to the vac plate making sure it is latched.
Turn off your pump that has been running in filter mode,
Turn your lever to WASTE mode ensuring that any shut offs are OPEN.
Quickly place the vac plate over the skimmer basket to prevent getting air in your filter and losing prime. *
***(Place the skim vac plate coming in through the backside of the skimmer not over the top of the pool.***
You know you have it placed over there correctly IF you have a good pressure reading on your gauge of at least 10psi or more and You will see the flow when vacuuming to waste but when Vac to filter you can ensure good suction because you have a good return coming from your return jet.
Vacuum your pool BUT ensure you don't allow your water level to drop below the skimmer level.
When done, turn off the pump, turn it to FILTER Position.
Remove your skimmer basket, and empty it.
Replace the skimmer basket.
Put your Weir door back on (I think it's easier to coming in from the back of the skimmer to place the door back on, but either way will work.
****Make sure the Weir door is on properly, and the pins are in the little grooves at the back of the skimmer, or it could stick and block the water flow to your pump.**
Make sure your Waste Lines are closed back.
Replace any water that needs to be replaced.
I hope this helps explain what you were asking. Feel free to ask any questions you might have and someone here will be able to help. Have a wonderful day