Guest (everyday)


Well-known member
May 22, 2011
Couple thoughts from the "been there done that" files.

We started a rule in our family that the kids couldn't have friends over or plan an event unless they asked at least one day ahead. So, during the summer their friends couldn't just pop in unless the grown ups were asked the day before. This rule has been a challenge to enforce but over the course of childhood it's one of the best things we did for lots of reasons. You can be a little righteous in telling other families about your rule.

Another strategy when people call or drop by unexpectedly---greet them at the door with "Oh, we were just headed out to the park/bowling/movies/whatever. Do you want to join us?"

Finally, set up a few times when the pool IS open house. Tuesdays from 1-4, Saturdays from 2-8 if you bring a shared dinner item etc. that sort of thing. Claim your right to privacy on other days.

I remember, when the kids were small, how badly kids who didn't have a pool wanted to be in ours. And how nice it was to have my own kids entertained during those long daylight hours by those extra little ones. It's about finding a good balance, for you and for your kids.


TFP Expert
LifeTime Supporter
Apr 27, 2012
Grand Rapids, MI
Okay, maybe I'm tactless, but I would be tempted to sit down with Chris and let her know where you're coming from. Tell her you don't appreciate being called an a-hole for being irritated by people disregarding normal social boundaries (eg the parents of neighbor kids should be disciplining them in this regard.) Tell her that she herself has benefitted five years from your generosity over your pool, but that she's being disrespectful of your kindness and is taking it for granted.

And then tell her that while you may have an umbrella policy, your agent has advised you that in terms of liability, you should not have been allowing guests to use your pool unsupervised, so in the future, her pool time will need to be upon invitation or presence of a family member. Now that you're aware of this risk, you can no longer allow the former president to continue.

Your wife needs to respect the fact that you're responsible to negotiate your own friendships and address things when people behave badly. She is free to invite them over if she's available to be on site.

I think there's a way to say all this in a civil way that might actually restore our friendship and prompt a sincere apology. But I may be nice :)


Active member
Jul 18, 2013
We have just signed for our pool build. This is one of my main concerns about the project. How to handle swim requests. Your post nails it home that the decided upon pool access rights will have to be enforced at the get go. Luckily we need a pool fence by provincial regulations so the pool will be locked up unless we unlock it to give access..


LifeTime Supporter
Jun 7, 2008
Seattle, WA
Swampwoman said:
Forgive my ipadian word swaps from my earlier rushed post on ipad...I meant "precedent" not president, and naive, not nice ;)
As long as your logged in, you can edit any post you created by clicking on the EDIT button in the upper right section of that post. I do that to correct spelling and punctuation errors which seem to appear the moment you press the SUBMIT button. :)

...and I just used it to fix a terrible grammatical error generated by the SUBMIT button!


TFP Expert
LifeTime Supporter
Jul 30, 2010
Twin Cities, MN
Swampwoman said:
Forgive my ipadian word swaps from my earlier rushed post on ipad...I meant "precedent" not president, and naive, not nice ;)
Sure you did :mrgreen:

I agree the "former president" shouldn't continue since he is not longer in office.

Swampwoman said:
But I may be nice
I think you are nice.



LifeTime Supporter
Jul 23, 2008
Wylie, Texas
Swampwoman said:
Forgive my ipadian word swaps from my earlier rushed post on ipad...I meant "precedent" not president, and naive, not nice ;)

LOL, I bit my tongue and ran away from the site to avoid suggesting that correction!