Need some advice. I have a co-worker who is REALLY pushy, rude, and accustomed to getting her own way at all costs. She keeps inviting herself to come over and use my pool. I let her come over once, while we were out of town, on the condition that she NOT bring guests, and that she add some chlorine to the pool while she was there. She brought guests, and said she did not want to add the chlorine because she was not "comfortable" doing that...even after I taught her the correct way to do it. I feel like she is simply using me, because i have the pool. I work for Social Services, and deal with people all week, and my husband and I like to have time alone together on the weekends. This girl is SO pushy, she caught me in the office earlier this week, and TOLD me she would be here today at 10 am to swim. I said: "Uhhhh.....noooooo.....we have things to do and i will CALL YOU when and IF it is convenient for you to come over. Quite honestly, I do not want her over here at all! She's OK, but we have nothing in common. (And I don't like her pushy personality!) The last time she was here, she even took the liberty of buying a pool float for herself, and storing it under my deck with the rest of MY pool stuff. LIKE SHE LIVES HERE! I just want my private time uninterrupted by this pushy woman. Any ideas as to how to get out of this situation tactfully??? I DO NOT like to hurt people's feelings.
How do I keep my private pool "private"?
- Thread starter farmgirl
- Start date
WOW ! We had a neighbor like that. We stopped asking her and her whinny kids to come over ..... it took awhile but she finally got the message! But if she is really pushy and used to getting her own way you may have to be a little more blunt with her and let her know that its your pool for you and your family to enjoy and if you want her to swim with you and your family you will ask her over until then she should respect your privacy. JMO 
Wow...
I'm glad we live in the middle of no-where, and don't know pushy people like that.
You might have to be more blunt than normal to discourage her.
Bring her float back, since she will need it next time when she will go swimming at a lake.
I'm glad we live in the middle of no-where, and don't know pushy people like that.
You might have to be more blunt than normal to discourage her.
Bring her float back, since she will need it next time when she will go swimming at a lake.
Yeah, I guess I am trying to find a way to get my message to her across without sounding rude. I HATE having these sorts of conversations with people. I think perhaps if I just do not invite her, and try to avoid her at work, maybe she will get the hint. If not, I will just have to tell her that we need our private time, and the weekends are precious to us for that reason. I hate to seem like a Scrooge, who will not "share"....but my DH and I are very close, and we like time alone together. We both work long hours, and our weekends are "sacred". My Mom comes swimming with us most evenings, as the pool is great for her bad knees, and it gives us a chance to visit. THAT i DO NOT mind....but SHE is FAMILY. This pushy coworker is NOT!
sounds like she's a pain in the a_ _. Really and truly, if it continues, you won't have to worry about it at all anymore because eventually you are going to lose it.
Is there a fence with a gate around your pool area? If so, why not put a lock on it and don't give her a key. She should have more respect than what she does. For her to bring over guests when you specifically told her not to was just all out enough reason for me to have gone off on her already. Tell her that you just can't afford the liability that she imposes on you. Its your property. Having invited guests over with you being home is enough to be worried about making sure that everyone stays safe and that no incidents occur. But, to have people there that you don't even know while you are not there? I guess not!
Is there a fence with a gate around your pool area? If so, why not put a lock on it and don't give her a key. She should have more respect than what she does. For her to bring over guests when you specifically told her not to was just all out enough reason for me to have gone off on her already. Tell her that you just can't afford the liability that she imposes on you. Its your property. Having invited guests over with you being home is enough to be worried about making sure that everyone stays safe and that no incidents occur. But, to have people there that you don't even know while you are not there? I guess not!
Farmgirl, you need to get past the political correctness and reclaim your space. Few people enjoy being confrontational. It just takes so much negative energy and really, if we have to expend it, wouldn't we all just rather save it up for a good fight with a spouse? And then make up afterwards?
Just say no, dearie. Take the float to work on Monday, drape it over her desk, tell her, "Here, that's in our way," and walk away. Next time she says she's coming over, say NO. You can't be doing the "I hate being rude" thing with someone like that. Rude is the only thing she'll understand. Take control of your life, your pool, your time with your husband.
Just say no, dearie. Take the float to work on Monday, drape it over her desk, tell her, "Here, that's in our way," and walk away. Next time she says she's coming over, say NO. You can't be doing the "I hate being rude" thing with someone like that. Rude is the only thing she'll understand. Take control of your life, your pool, your time with your husband.
just no!! would do it. if she still comes out to use put in a cover charge of, say, $20 or so for each visit. at least you will have some money to go out for a romantic dinner or to cover your pool costs. but really just a firm NO!!! and continue at it till she either hates you or gives up. only way to do it.
I'm going to just agree with the others..it's YOUR pool, not hers! And...apparently, rude is the only thing she understands since she is treating you this way. She certainly doesn't mind telling you what she's going to do...why do you have a problem telling her what you are going to do??? MINE, MINE, MINE...is all you need to tell her! :lol: :lol: :lol:
This my seem a little extreme, but let your pool go really, really green..go on vacation and let her come over. When you get back and you see your pool really, really green, blame it on her for not putting any chlorine in and tell her how much money she owes you on what it is going to cost to "fix" it. Tell her you'll be looking for the check soon, and that way she'll avoid YOU at work! 
Thanks for all the suggestions guys.....I appreciate it alot. I have deflated her pool float, and plan to take it to her this week. I really HAVE to handle this once and for all! Keep those ideas coming.....
Just be straight up with her. You can be firm without being rude. Make the point that you and your husband like spending quality time together in your pool and hand her her float. Tell her know if and when you want guests you will let her know.
I agree with what everyone here said.
Saying that..... just remember..... don't be surprized if you get some back-lash at work.
Saying that..... just remember..... don't be surprized if you get some back-lash at work.
LOL! Great idea, but it won't work. I usually commute on my motorcycle.
Yep, I expect backlash at work....but I won't tolerate anything being done that AFFECTS work. If it's personal, we can keep it personal. Work is WORK....if u know what i mean......in other words, she had BEST not LET this affect how we work together (usually not closely anyway)...I take my work seriously, and she had better do the same....
ivyleager
LifeTime Supporter
farmgirl said:
Sorry, you cannot go thru life with this as a priority. Sure, it's warm and fuzzy, but face it almost everything we do affects people's feelings.
farmgirl said:
I'm bettin you'd get some good stares riding down the road on your bike and a big ole floaty strapped to your back! :lol:
Good Luck. 8)
I'll go a step further and say that if your mom is coming over most nights, you need to curtail that as well. Your husband may be too nice to say so, but if you truley appreciate your "alone" time, having mom around every night is too much. A couple nights a week or when you are not there, should be plenty.
As far as the co-worker, you could do what I tell my wife (who also does not like to be "the bad guy") to do in just about any situation. I just tell her to blame me. Tell this co-worker your husband says no more guests. I don't mind being the bad guy and doubt he'll care either.
As far as the co-worker, you could do what I tell my wife (who also does not like to be "the bad guy") to do in just about any situation. I just tell her to blame me. Tell this co-worker your husband says no more guests. I don't mind being the bad guy and doubt he'll care either.
I have to agree with SeanB about your mom. It will put a strain on your marriage. Something that will take time and build slowly. This will make it harder to work out later, than sooner.
I am also the bad guy for telling people and don't mind it. This way if a face to face is needed it can be handled with tact, short, and to the point. Makes me the $%#$^& and the DW isn't the $%&^, which I don't mind.
I am also the bad guy for telling people and don't mind it. This way if a face to face is needed it can be handled with tact, short, and to the point. Makes me the $%#$^& and the DW isn't the $%&^, which I don't mind.
you could also send her a bill with energy costs, water costs, chemical costs...
And yes, my wife has blamed me for situations where she didn't want to look like the bad one, doesn't bother me at all.
Good luck!
And yes, my wife has blamed me for situations where she didn't want to look like the bad one, doesn't bother me at all.
Good luck!
I met someone a few years ago who is quite bold. After knowing her casually for a few months, she asked if she could stay at my house while I was away at the shore for a long weekend as there was a concert near my house. I just laughed it off and ignored it, but I was kinda shocked that anyone would be so brazen. She later mentioned it and said that she was disappointed that I didn't let her stay. I stopped being friendly towards her as she's a "one-way street"; I don't need folks like that in my life. One of my best friends I've known for 25 years was even shocked -- she lives just as far as the other woman and also attended the concert, but said that it never would have occurred to her to ask.
Another casual aquaintance recently called me to see if I would loan a kayak to his brother who is spending thousands to stay at the shore for 2 weeks. I don't loan boats to anyone, especially someone lacking training that I've never met! I didn't even return his call. If his brother can afford a place at that resort, he can surely afford to rent a kayak! But it's not my job to take care of him or his brother anyhow.
Some people are just pushy. I guess they figure that the worst that you can say is "no" and operate on the theory that if you throw enough s*** against the barn wall, some of it will stick. They may not even recognize the sound "no."
It's a little harder with a co-worker as you have to maintain a relationship, hopefully a cordial one. Returning the pool float is a great move, and blaming your husband quite acceptable if you're more comfortable saying that. I also agree about Mom; leave some time for date nights, not to mention some "me" time. Good luck!
Sue
Another casual aquaintance recently called me to see if I would loan a kayak to his brother who is spending thousands to stay at the shore for 2 weeks. I don't loan boats to anyone, especially someone lacking training that I've never met! I didn't even return his call. If his brother can afford a place at that resort, he can surely afford to rent a kayak! But it's not my job to take care of him or his brother anyhow.
Some people are just pushy. I guess they figure that the worst that you can say is "no" and operate on the theory that if you throw enough s*** against the barn wall, some of it will stick. They may not even recognize the sound "no."
It's a little harder with a co-worker as you have to maintain a relationship, hopefully a cordial one. Returning the pool float is a great move, and blaming your husband quite acceptable if you're more comfortable saying that. I also agree about Mom; leave some time for date nights, not to mention some "me" time. Good luck!
Sue