Best way to handle this? swim requests

[lulupalooza]

Other than a flat out NO! LOL

Ok here is the dilemma I know that is just waiting around the corner when we get our pool. I live in a pretty kid infested neighborhood and I frequently have some of the neighbor kids over to play in our backyard- trampoline, swings, power wheels etc. And I know once we get the pool everyone is going to want to come swimming. I have already told my oldest 2, don't invite and don't ask me. Because they were notorious for doing this last summer. 1. Because of the safety/liability issue I don't want to be responsible for someone elses child getting hurt, etc. and 2. I seen what they did in our 8x36 blow up pool last year and they finally killed it, from busting the top ring from all the jumping and rough play. So it's one thing if my kids tear it up, but if the neighbors kid(s) do it well then I will be quite miffed. And I know if I let one or two then it's going to lead into all of them wanting to come and swim, especially in a big pool!

So what is the best way to handle this in a polite, not to hurt the kids feelings?

TYIA
Laura

 

[DaveNJ]

If the parents aren't friends and over to watch their kids then it easy, NO sorry Johnny cannot come out to play. My yard is privacy fenced and when were out back its our private pool not open to the public. My kids are much older so monitoring and number of friends is not as big a concern.

 

[Hotrod30]

So what is the best way to handle this in a polite, not to hurt the kids feelings?

There is no way; and you will break-down and let kids use the pool.

Tell your two older kids that they may invite two friends each on certain days for "pool time".
Have a couple of pool games for them to play with. (games that if they break, no problem)

When you said "two older"; then you must have a younger one to watch while the "older kids" are in the pool.

That's going to be hard to do; but it can be done. Just make sure you don't go in the house while the kids are in the pool.

You will find that very few other parents will come over to help you watch the kids. If one or two do, serve them soda and be happy they came over.

If the word "liability" bothers you; talk to your insurance agent about an unbrella policy. Also make sure your pool is covered under your house policy.

Set some simple rules that your kids can follow:

No friends that can't stand up in the pool without their head above water.
No glass items near the pool.
Your word is law; but your kids can "police" their friends better. You will have problems; handle them the best way you can.


An AG pool can take a beating better than the old pool you had.
Let the kids yell and have "safe" fun.

These are just a few ideas I came up with.

Oh, and when your kids start inviting young girls with "thongs" on, it time to have the talk. :lol:

 

[257WbyMag]

As an ER nurse and flight nurse on a helicopter for almost 10 years, I have seen my share of drownings, spine injuries, etc. resulting from children being unsupervised or undersupervised around pools. I must suggest that you fence off and lock the gates around your pool. You should also establish strict rules regarding friends coming to play with your kiddos and enforce this with meaningful sanctions that they will understand.

As a longtime parent I must also say this. Kids feelings get hurt. They will get hurt no matter how hard you try to NOT hurt their feelings. When kids want something and they don't get it, their feelings are hurt because they don't understand reasoning like you do. It took you a couple of decades plus to become as wise as you are. You know the reasons why you set your limits with them. Kids have a sense of indestructibility. All they way up until they get hurt and possibly die, they think that nothing can happen to them. You know better!!! My kids' feelings get hurt because I won't let them in the back yard with their friends when I am not there to monitor. Don't put so much emphasis on how they "feel" when it comes to safety and damage control. They aren't going to have to get on antidepressants later in life because you were protective of their safety or your property. It's your pool, your house, your rules, end of discussion. You may not feel comfortable with this at first but it will come. Just expect a guilt trip as kids are great at pushing those buttons.

Like that coffee cup that sits on the desk in the ATF building entrance in the movie "The Professional" that reads, "ME BOSS...YOU NOT!"

Hope this helps. :-D

Craig

 

[lulupalooza]

If the parents aren't friends and over to watch their kids then it easy, NO sorry Johnny cannot come out to play. My yard is privacy fenced and when were out back its our private pool not open to the public. My kids are much older so monitoring and number of friends is not as big a concern.

That's the thing. I know the kids parents, but they aren't "friends" like the hang out on a regular basis or talk on the phone kinda friends KWIM? Our yard is privacy fenced with a chain link fence on the inside of that. But get this. About 2 weeks ago. My oldest 2 boys 10 and 8 were inside playing video games with a friend. I just happened to look out my back window and I see two little heads bobbing around my backyard. I go out and am like what are ya'll doing and how did ya'll get back here. They pulled the wooden gate loose! My DH just put a new latch lock on the inside part of the gate so no one could open it from the outside and also the chain link is pad locked as well. They pulled hard enought on the metal latch in the wooden gate and then climbed the fence! The one girl was the little sister of the boy who was inside and only 5! and the other was a new kid who just moved in and 8! They wanted to play on the trampoline- there was no one else out there. I was pretty mean to them. I told them they couldn't just waltz in someones back yard, especially if there was no one out here to watch them.

DH almost dreading getting the pool, but like I told him. Why should we deprive our kids of having fun and enjoying their backyard.

 

[lulupalooza]

These are just a few ideas I came up with.

Thanks! I'll add them to my rules list,LOL

Oh, and when your kids start inviting young girls with "thongs" on, it time to have the talk. :lol:

Oh GESH! PLEASE, don't even remind me! I tell ya these young girls are horid. I already had a talk with my 10 yo- be 11 in July- the 2 girls who are twins and his age, come play quite frequently. Ones a tomboy the other is a priss. DS already told me the priss tried to get him in the bushes! He RAN! But I have already had a talk with them. I have 2 older girls 20 (she's expecing) and 18 as well so they are wise for boys their age! Look, listen and LEARN! and don't dare forget it! :lol:

 

[lulupalooza]

As an ER nurse and flight nurse on a helicopter for almost 10 years, I have seen my share of drownings, spine injuries, etc. resulting from children being unsupervised or undersupervised around pools. I must suggest that you fence off and lock the gates around your pool. You should also establish strict rules regarding friends coming to play with your kiddos and enforce this with meaningful sanctions that they will understand.

As a longtime parent I must also say this. Kids feelings get hurt. They will get hurt no matter how hard you try to NOT hurt their feelings. When kids want something and they don't get it, their feelings are hurt because they don't understand reasoning like you do. It took you a couple of decades plus to become as wise as you are. You know the reasons why you set your limits with them. Kids have a sense of indestructibility. All they way up until they get hurt and possibly die, they think that nothing can happen to them. You know better!!! My kids' feelings get hurt because I won't let them in the back yard with their friends when I am not there to monitor. Don't put so much emphasis on how they "feel" when it comes to safety and damage control. They aren't going to have to get on antidepressants later in life because you were protective of their safety or your property. It's your pool, your house, your rules, end of discussion. You may not feel comfortable with this at first but it will come. Just expect a guilt trip as kids are great at pushing those buttons.

Like that coffee cup that sits on the desk in the ATF building entrance in the movie "The Professional" that reads, "ME BOSS...YOU NOT!"

Hope this helps. :-D

Craig

Thanks Craig!

I already sometimes ignore the ring of the doorbell! But I think I am going to use one of my "tools" from our homeschooling days. Red sign hanging on the front door- Kids can't play- green sign on the door- kids can play. That worked pretty well.

 

[midtngal]

Laura, I will be broaching this subject very soon myself. The difference being I have no kids, and the ony ones around are next door. They already climb the privacy fence to see what's going on. I know this is going to be a nightmare for a little while, but I plan on laying down the law that if no parents, no swimming! I gave up babysitting at 16! I am also going to have to limit the time they can come swim or they will start expecting it...I suggest you do the same. Like Craig says, my yard, my pool! Me boss, you not! :lol:

One thing I do worry about is that the little boy is a heathern! My pool is vinyl and one "mishap" on his part and it's new liner time! I'm willing to bet the parents wouldn't fork over the $$...they really can't afford it I'm sure. So what are we to do about this? Have them sign a contract??? Do you have a plan for if/when damage occurs??

Karen

 

[257WbyMag]

Thanks Craig!

I already sometimes ignore the ring of the doorbell! But I think I am going to use one of my "tools" from our homeschooling days. Red sign hanging on the front door- Kids can't play- green sign on the door- kids can play. That worked pretty well.

Not a problem!

Some may think that this is kind of a hard-nosed approach and my wife would probably think this as well. It's just that pools increase your risk. Not only to the lives of the people who use it but also at risk are your assets if some neighborhood child comes to be injured on your property. Regarding the latter, it has become a sad reality that anyone and everyone chooses to "lawyer up" these days for the simplest of things. You have to protect yourself as well.

Craig

 

[JohnT]

Some of my sister's neighbors have a flagpole in their back yard. They have a decorative yellow flower flag that they put up under the US flag to indicate that neighbor kids are welcome to swim IF accompanied by parents. Works out really well, as they can swim for a while on their own if they want, then raise the flag to invite the neighbors. You could probably do the same thing with a flag on a wall or fence.

 

[DaveNJ]

For the gate latch/lock I used this model. Didn't buy it there justed used the model shown. I leave it locked when were going to be away. The nice feature is that nothing sticks through the gate. Have to reach over the gate (6' high) http://www.hooverfence.com/woodfence/magna.htm to open.

 

[Hotrod30]

One thing I do worry about is that the little boy is a heathern! My pool is vinyl and one "mishap" on his part and it's new liner time! I'm willing to bet the parents wouldn't fork over the $$...they really can't afford it I'm sure. So what are we to do about this? Have them sign a contract??? Do you have a plan for if/when damage occurs??

1) Check with your house insurance company to make sure you have full replacement value. Also check to see if they have any requirements for your type of pool besides code.

If the boy does do something to the liner then you are covered. The only problem, (I might be wrong, but I think I am right on this) if you caught him doing it or can prove it, you will have to prosecute to receive your money from the insurance co. I have Allstate and they just want my pool to the town code. I also have an umbrella policy for one million dollars that cost me $376 a year (it's good for other things and backs up your auto and house insurance)


2) Call your town or city codes officer and check on the requirements for your kind of pool. Then make sure you are at or better than code; especially the gate(s). I use the combination type lock that you can set the combination to the numbers you want. (bought mine at Lowes) Both locks are set for the same numbers. I've had these for 5 years outside for all seasons and they still look and work good. My wife and I have a deal, who ever leaves the gate(s) unlocked when they come in, must buy dinner at a restaurant. (one that doesn't have a drive-up window)


3) You can hook up some type of an alarm, electric eye or child alarm in or near your pool and have it ring inside the house. The electric eye lights that are sold at any store will help you make up something. Don't get the ones that only work at night.

All you can do is your best. If you are going away, just check the gates and locks before you go. You can't baby-sit the pool for 24 hours -- 7 days-a-week.

 

[lulupalooza]

Thanks everyone for all the great tips and advice! I think with all this in place, they will get the point! And just cruising around my neighborhood. There sure are a lot of houses with pools. Both IG and AG. So if they don't have a problem, they we shouldn't either.

 

[Guest]

just an FYI if its in the budget. when i bought my house and when my oldest son bought his house with a pool. we both had ADT come and put in cameras around the pool (as well as in the house) one thing it did was get is lower insurance. but the resolution is good enough to tell if someone damaged somthing. thats what i like since the youngins bring friends (who also have pools, so why are they at my house) i can tell who did what.

here is works two ways. our youngins going over and asking. we can tell our own kids to wait (alot easier than your neighbors kids for some reason) but when they come over here we just say and most of the time its not even a lie. is the pool has just been shocked. or since the filter is not working we cant swim, or were going someware.

"i just put chemicals in the pool" is the best though. as i usually make up a funny story like if you jump in you will grow extra arms and stuff. that actully scares them off. :lol:

 

[mbb]

I invited a good friend's 14year old son to come over to swim IF we were home and accompanied by a parent. The first weekend we were out of town, my friend dropped him off with a friend and left them. They played "rock baseball " using river rock and the metal pole (for the brush). When it was time to clean all the rocks out of the vinyl lined pool they stabbed the floor of the pool with the pole.... I knew something was wrong as soon as I got home just by looking at my yard. Next day the water level had dropped dramatically.
Confronted she admitted she dropped them off and left, they admitted what they had done. Liner had to be replaced along with water ( we have to truck water in). She agreed to pay half, the other kid's parents refused and we got to foot the other half. Claiming it on our homeowners insurance raised our rate and it hasn't come down yet.
This was several years ago... we do not invite anyone to swim in our pool. The risk is too great. The pool was fixable but those kids could have gotten hurt or died. I was physically sick over it. Then I was angry that someone ignored the rules that I thought they understood.
So my advice unless you are there the entire time, willing to accept what they do in and to your pool plus watch every move they make... don't invite.

 

[midtngal]

Ya'll need to stop...you're scarying me! :lol: I'm already being accused of building the cave to hybernate in...you'll only make it worse! I won't EVER let them in for fear of their stupidity!! :?

 

[The Mermaid Queen]

Ya'll need to stop...you're scarying me! :lol: I'm already being accused of building the cave to hybernate in...you'll only make it worse! I won't EVER let them in for fear of their stupidity!! :?

your pool, your rules!! (just a friendly reminder!!)

I would talk to the parents and lay it on the line. If you want to come and sit and supervise your child(ren), great. If you child does damage, you are liable. If I am not home, you are not welcome in the pool, and thus trespassing.

 

[Butterfly]

PF had a 'pool sign' thread. Lots of folks that had signs made for their backyard oasis shared them with PF members. Wish we could get a copy of that now. "If you were not invited, you are trespassing" kinda' stuff, too. Like many here have said, it is your pool and your rules. Enjoy.

 

[midtngal]

Yes, I agree...mine all mine! :lol: I have pretty much thought that this would be the attitude I would have - parents WILL be there..I WILL be there. I'm probably fretting over nothing...it shouldn't take long for them to get on my nerves and I cut off ALL privledges!!

 

[lulupalooza]

LOL to be honest with ya I don't think I want anyone other than my family in my pool! and a few select friends, that I decide to invite. Heck here they all come now!