Our neighbors expect an invitation to swim...

[watermaverick]

If this topic has been addressed please redirect me - if not then I would appreciate respectful suggestions (don't get me wrong, I totally enjoy the sarcasm on this site but it just won't apply here - I have to live next to these people)
We moved into a subdivision of well-kept houses with 50% pools about 7 months ago. Residents here keep their properties well groomed. Unfortunately none of my immediate neighbors have a pool in their yard. The houses are very close together and divided by privacy fences. We are cordial and always wave and say Hi when we cross paths with the neighbors.
However, when we introduced ourselves to the neighbors they would bring up the pool by the third conversation and drop hints of being invited to swim. One person never introduced themselves but asked my son if we were planning on sharing the pool with the neighbors...another neighbor I had spoken to 2x went so far as to tell me that he was waiting to be invited to swim (that was in February). Another neighbor (not living next to me), told me he would bring the beer and brats, while another told me that he had to drive to a local community center to swim because it was theraputic for his injured hip.
So far I have either deflected or ignored the reference to the pool mostly because I don't know what to say that wouldn't sound hurtful.
We have spent a lot of $ and work very hard to keep our pool sparkling - we enjoy swimming in it every day.
Suggestions??
Thanks

 

[Guest]

My neighbor offered to clean my pool in return for unlimited access to the pool (like I can't clean my own pool!). I just told them that my pool is my personal area for me and my family, and that it is our escape and relaxing area. She said that she would just go to her Mom's pool then, but that ours was closer so she thought she would ask!

I don't want to be rude, but I really do think that your pool is there for you and those you invite, if you choose. People should understand that, and realize that there are other options (community pools, the beach/lake, etc.), or they could build their own!

 

[rsharp]

our neighbors are a little nuts. over the winter months their kid took a knife and stabbed our AG pool(3 yrs ago). they ended up paying to fix it all ($700).. what im getting to is that after all that his mother actually asked if he could go swimming. we let him but we were mean to him lol so he never came back!! I would keep doing what your doing by ignoring them when they bring it up. eventually they will get the hint and if they dont, all well b/c its not like their swimming n e ways. have fun swimming in you personal pool!

 

[MikeInTN]

Hosting a pool party for your neighbors can be a great way to get to know them better, and can also be an invitation to a nightmare when they think that just because you let them swim once means they can come unannounced to swim every day.

Bottom line is, it's your house, and your pool, and it's not your responsibility to provide a community pool. Either just keep deflecting or ignoring the pool references, and when they ask directly when you're going to let them swim, then be just as direct and tell them the pool is for your family, not the neighborhood. If they've got the bad manners to put you on the spot like that, then I see nothing wrong in being polite but direct with them, too.

I guess I'm very lucky. I've had my pool for four or five years now, and none of my neighbors have ever uttered a peep about coming over to swim.

Edit : What Bruce said.

 

[anonapersona]

I think the point is, do you want to socialize with these people? Have they ever invited you over to their house for drinks or dinner or coffee or have you never even been inside their homes?

 

[woodyp]

Invite the guy with the beer and the brats----at least he wants to chip in. To heck with the rest of'um.

 

[Richard320]

Host a Fourth of July party! What's the use of a BBB pool if you can't show it off?

Make it a potluck, so you don't get stuck doing everything. If the neighbors are out of town..... oh, well, they can't say you didn't invite them. You'll get to know them better, always a good thing, especially if you ever want to leave town and have to ask someone to top off the water and add some bleach while you're gone.

 

[watermaverick]

Thanks for the thoughts.
We are very private people and just don't feel comfortable socializing with our neighbors while in swim suits - jeans, shorts and t-shirts, yes, but the summer here is way too hot) thus the house with the pool appealed to us. We are not anti-social, too religious, or prudes. Yesterday we took the man with the bad hip and his wife to breakfast. I realize that we can't host any social gathering during swim season without the pool being made available so I think we'll just do all our neighborly entertaining in the fall/winter!!
Thanks again.

 

[Crzyfrlss1]

Invite the guy with the beer and the brats----at least he wants to chip in. To heck with the rest of'um.

Unless of course the "brats" are his kids :lol:

 

[esim13]

When we first moved into our subdivision we, along with 2 other neighbors we barely knew hosted a driveway/block party for the 4th of July. Within a few hours I knew who I would become friends with beyond the party. 5 years later, I am still friends with those few who fit the bill, some closer than others.
So, I'm with you on the party during the Fall/Winter. You'll get to meet everyone and truly see who wants to be friends, not just neighbors, and who you feel comfortable with. Then when summer rolls around you'll be able to decide who YOU want to invite, by then those that didn't fit the bill will more likely not be in the picture anymore. Happy Swimming!

 

[Sparkmaster]

My pool rules for guests, Women must look good in a bikini in order to be invited.. . If they look like my Mother in law, No way.

 

[ThePaul]

People asking to swim in your pool (unless they are using the pool to start conversation to get to know you better) seems down right rude. I don't think I would feel guilty or give a second thought to their comments.

I have the exact opposite problem. Everyone in my neighborhood has pools and many of us are very good friends. We hang out at each other's houses all the time. Sometimes I don't want to go swimming in their pools because I know how they (or how they don't) take care of them! But I don't want to hurt their feelings either

 

[Ashbourne]

Honestly, what is it about pools that brings out the rudeness and entitlement in neighbors?!

We have a friendly relationship with our neighbors next door and they have four boys, ages 7 to 14. They are all good swimmers. One of the four (spokesman? guinea pig? patsy? short-straw'er?) comes over Every. Single. Day. to ask if "me and my brothers can go swimming." Sometimes they walk into the house without knocking. Found the 7-year-old at the bottom of our stairs (center hall colonial) the other day, while we and our boys (3yo and 5yo) were upstairs - me, just out of the shower with a towel on.

!!!

Yes, we have told them (and told him again) that they need to come to our FRONT door and ring the bell. Not our back door, not through the gate into the pool area, not over the back fence. "Cheesy Weeze" as my 3yo says! We have also told them they need to wait to be invited to swim - not to come asking. Does no good. Seems their parents are not enforcing that rule - hey, why should they? If we take the 4 boys off their hands for a few hours, free...awesome!

Half the time they show up already in their suits, towels in hand. We invite them to swim at least 2-3 times per week, but it's never enough. If we had them over every day, they would be asking for twice a day. Now my 3yo will not go in the pool with them here - it's too much chaos for him to handle - I am just telling them that it's "our family time to swim."

Anyway - to watermaverick - I agree with previous posters - do not feel bad, whatever you decide. You work hard on your house, your pool...you deserve your privacy. I am very private too and it takes all I have to let them come over - the only reason I do is because my 5yo loves having them over. For the first 2 years I felt bad ever saying no to these kids, but now I have no problem with it when I don't feel like having them over.

 

[JMarch]

I'm always wary of the "self invitee". You would never go to someone's house and ask to use their bathtub- why do they think it's OK to self-invite to use your pool. It's just rude- plain and simple. I've found that initially, offering them an excuse wards them off and they usually get the message. (sorry, my sister's kid crapped the pool and it's not ready yet) or (we had to shock it and the chlorine level isn't safe yet) can work. For those that are persistant, I tell them, "Don't call me, I'll call you when its a good time for you to come over for a swim." And then never call- they eventually get the message.

 

[Ohm_Boy]

You may mention that you don't feel comfortable with the insurance implications of having neighbors in the pool. You _COULD_ say that you had a bad experience once, and you have a policy not to ever put your family in a bad position.
Or you could tell the story of the guy in your OLD neighborhood that thought he was gonna share your pool... and we all know that HE won't ever ask again.

 

[Guest]

There are only 2 pools in my neighborhood. When I first moved into my house, one neighbor (who has 3 pre-school boys) kept telling me about how she used to come over all the time to use the pool when the former owners were here. I just smiled and said, "I'll have to invite you over some time" and then never did.

One little boy who is always out wandering around the neighborhood looking for things to do and attention recently asked if he could use the pool. I told him it's not safe and left it at that. I thought it was really rude but then feel sort of sorry for that poor kid (but not enough to invite him / them over).

Ashbourne, have you ever thought about putting a lock on the back gate?

I like the insurance discussion -- it is a very real concern.

 

[Lershac]

Sometimes you just have to come out and say stuff. The neighbors think its ok to try to invite themselves over, so it must be ok to as bluntly turn them down. You can soften it with a concern about insurance, or that you would feel it necessary to supervise them, and you just don't feel up to it or qualified to.

Rule of thumb for me is similar to what's already been said... Do I socialize with them already? If they are blunt enough to bring it up, chances are that they have not been schooled in ettiquite enough to be considerate about what it would cost you in terms of time and effort to have regular pool guests, and do you really want to go down that road? Towels, increased bather load on sanitation, drinks, food, and just plain sacrifice of your time and privacy.

 

[Ashbourne]

Ashbourne, have you ever thought about putting a lock on the back gate?

There is a lock, although they could jump the back fence if they wish - very industrious, these boys are. But so far they haven't done that - I should clarify, they just yell at me over the fence if they see me/us in the pool area. I told them that's not acceptable.

Pretty soon I'm going to tell their parents that I love to skinny dip OFTEN and unless they want the boys to get an eyeful of neighbor-lady-nakedness, they better keep them from peering over my fence.

 

[poolgirl22]

I can't tell you the raving mad woman that children, uninvited, or adults for that matter, would encounter if they just showed up in my yard.

Let's just say the neighborhood dogs roaming loose are no longer a problem. I guess all those calls to the sheriff's department worked.

Wow. The nerve of some people.

 

[Ohm_Boy]

...kept telling me about how she used to come over all the time to use the pool when the former owners were here.

Makes me want to say "Wow, that must be so sad for you. Maybe you should look them up."