No, you DON'T have the worst pool problem

Okay, here we go...
Make sure you get a GOOD test kit with LOTS of reagent refills.
First we start with a little bleach...

Well maybe a machete, a weed whacker, and a LARGE dumpster.
Then you are going to need to get a pool rake and make sure you get as much stuff off the bottom as you can. Keep trying to get as much out as you can, even if you can't see bottom.

We'll be here when you are done with that. Shouldn't be more than a week or two...

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All joking aside, I would love to tackle this one. Given what I know now, I truly believe that since it still holds water, it is savable.
 
This has got to be the most neglected pool I've ever seen. Even if it were in good shape, it has to be an absolute nightmare keeping leaves out of it with all those trees/shrubs/vines surrounding it. Looks like that would be a year-round battle.
 
That is more an aquaponics project than a pool project.
Greens on top, Koi Carp underneath. Merely needs an aeration pump and they are in the gardening business.
 
"Pool store said my numbers where fine, but my TDS was too high to use liquid chlorine. They told me to add 50 lbs of shock, 3 containers of phos-free, and several gallons of clarifier and I should be good to swim by Tuesday."
 

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