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Thread: Guest (everyday)

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    Guest (everyday)

    I've gotten a real situation I need some advice on.

    We have a family friend who is a stay at home Mom (Chris), lives a couple miles away. Early this year she invited us up to eat for supper. After eating the kids started in on how they want to come over to swim. Pool was not open yet. I was like, well the pool isn't even open yet. My wife pipes up like every year, you are welcome anytime!! Chris says to me that if you need anything please let her know. I tell her the pool runs on Bleach borax and baking soda, bring some over when you swim....... Three months later still no supplies. Swam nearly everyday, along with hosting her daughters birthday (swimming portion of the party) at our house. Brings her kids friends over to swim also. This is always when we are at work.

    I complained to the Chris, about how the neighbor kids would jump on their trampoline asking to swim as they "breached" the fence line of site. Which they do to her also when she is over.

    Chris stated to my wife, that since I'm a (Butthole) about people swimming over there (my house) she would only come over when I was not there.... I told my wife I have no idea how to respond to that. Because before I never felt that way when she and the kids would come over. I merely complained about the neighbor kids because how they would jump and ask, which they do to Chris also.

    I'm really ****** that she would say that, since I'm the one who maintains the pool. How do you go about uninviting people??? My thought is to give them a sheet of what it cost to operate the pool, and ask them to pay 1/2. I'm good friends with the husband who is currently deployed. Maybe suggest they buy their own pool?

    This is our 5th year with the pool, Chris and the kids have been doing this for 5 years and in that time no supplies.
    18x36 Buster Crab in ground, 3' shallow 8' deep, Hayward super pump, 300lb sand filter.

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    bof's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    Let the pool go green saying you are trying to get it clean but thr chemicals are soo expensive and so is the test equipment and looking after it. If they comment on the fact that you ars running it anyway, tell them that of course you are but the more people and constant use rises the cot expenetualy. Or just tell them they are welcome to use the pool but not on a weekend as that is your family time, or whenever you dictate. Unfortunatly you are going to be seen as the bad person but you will get your pool back.
    Living in Cyprus
    In ground overflow pool tiled 12m X 4m 19507 Us gals 16243 Imp gals
    1 Kw motor 15 cu m per min Sand filter
    I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel but it was just some PERSON with a torch walking toward me.
    I started out in life with nothing and I still have most of it left.

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    gtemkin's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    Personally I would never let anyone use my pool if I'm not around. Do they know what to do if someone has trouble in the water or are they going to drown in the process of helping? What happens when one of the kids breaks a plumbing fitting and the place gets flooded or god forbid one of them figures out that the suction is fun to play with and eviserates their playmate. Your taking enormous risks by letting them bring other kids over. You need to set down some strict rules to protect yourself and let your wife firmly know she needs to support you.
    21K gal 16' x 40' in-ground pool built 1959, old school with Jacuzzi bronze pump, American Products 24" Sand Filter & Americana Multiport valve, Jandy Lite2 millivolt heater, Coverstar cover, and classic Kreepy Krauly.

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    bof's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    I'm afraid gtemkin is correct you are going to have to reach an agreement with your wife first. and then stick to your rules, you will still be seen as the bad guy.
    Living in Cyprus
    In ground overflow pool tiled 12m X 4m 19507 Us gals 16243 Imp gals
    1 Kw motor 15 cu m per min Sand filter
    I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel but it was just some PERSON with a torch walking toward me.
    I started out in life with nothing and I still have most of it left.

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    Patrick_B's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    I agree on getting with the wife, and I need to think about a repsonse. So, as not to kneejerk with a reaction...she ticks me off already.

    A classic example of: No good deed goes unpunished.
    TFP Moderator
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    gtemkin - you are right! I've tried to tell my wife this very thing, WE are RESPONSIBLE for whatever happens.... My wife and Chris are friends. So even though I bought all the chemicals for the year, wife sees no need in asking Chris to cough up some money, I suggested this at the start of the season.

    Just like the birthday party, our 12 year old daughter stays home during the summer, Chris didn't even think to ask our daughter if she wanted to swim with them. Our Daughter knows she is not allowed to swim alone.

    Very frustrating....
    18x36 Buster Crab in ground, 3' shallow 8' deep, Hayward super pump, 300lb sand filter.

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    bof's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    Let us know the outcome your wife has to be on your side. LUCK
    Living in Cyprus
    In ground overflow pool tiled 12m X 4m 19507 Us gals 16243 Imp gals
    1 Kw motor 15 cu m per min Sand filter
    I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel but it was just some PERSON with a torch walking toward me.
    I started out in life with nothing and I still have most of it left.

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    linen's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    I don't let anyone use my pool when I or my wife are not there. To much liability and no need for it.
    TFP Expert who uses Pool School and my TF100 test kit along with PoolMath for my: Round 11K gallon AGP with deep end, 20" sand filter, Matrix 1hp 2spd, 6 2ftX20ft solar panels (and solar cover!), Intex SWCG (copper bars disconnected) and a Rubadub hot tub (chlorine). The SLAM process is not finished until: 1. CC < 0.5 ppm, 2. An OCLT < 1.0 ppm and, 3. The water is crystal clear.

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    Patrick_B's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    I don't agree with you being mad about the chemical/maintenance costs and efforts. You shouldn't expect her to pitch in, and I would never agree to that with someone as "trade" for using my pool. That said, I do think she is ungrateful and taking advantage of you guys. Subtlety is usually wasted on people like that, but you're in a tough spot as far as keeping the peace goes. Five years ongoing makes it a little stickier too. If your wife was on the same page, it would make it so much easier. Sorry not to be of more help.
    TFP Moderator
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    ABC's Of Pool Chemistry, Test Kits, SLAM Your Pool
    28K Gal IG FreeForm, CLI Quartz, Pentair 36"SF & VS Pump, Dolphin M5, Rheem

  10. Back To Top    #10
    gtemkin's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    That's right, forget about the chemicals! When a little kid is dead or injured in your pool, the chemicals will be of no consequence compared to the loss of your house and the loss if your wages for the rest if your life paying off settlements and legal fees. You really need to put a stop to this. Today is not soon enough! Take the pool ladder away (if you have one) and lock it up and tape a sign on the pool that says "Pool Closed".
    21K gal 16' x 40' in-ground pool built 1959, old school with Jacuzzi bronze pump, American Products 24" Sand Filter & Americana Multiport valve, Jandy Lite2 millivolt heater, Coverstar cover, and classic Kreepy Krauly.

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    GreatCanadian's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    I most certainly would NOT accept any money or chemicals from her. She would then feel entitled to using the pool whenever she wanted because she is "paying" some of the maintenance costs.
    13'x22'x52" 8,000 gallon ProSeries Pool with Borates
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    Right, being USED for the pool is really what this boils down too. Season is coming to an end this year. Next year will start a whole set of new rules.
    18x36 Buster Crab in ground, 3' shallow 8' deep, Hayward super pump, 300lb sand filter.

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    Patrick_B's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    Well, good luck with it. Maybe a change will come. Something unforseen, yet still good or neutral for all involved that will take it out of your control entirely. You can always wish....

    I'd say ride it out in peace and quiet this season if at all possible.
    TFP Moderator
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    ABC's Of Pool Chemistry, Test Kits, SLAM Your Pool
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    I'd say "Chris" has overextended her welcome. She obviously has no concern about what you think, no concern for the upkeep of your pool...and would be the FIRST to sue you for something that goes wrong. I'd say...she wants to swim, she puts up her own pool, and be done with it. Better for all parties in my opinion. We live in a small subdivision (in the country) where we have 12 houses. When we moved out here, 6 of them had pools...we have made some great neighbor friends, but NOT ONE has ever offered an invite to go swimming. I think it's more about privacy AND liability. SO..we just put up our own pool, which is the largest in the neighborhood, and never have to worry about being invited to someone else's pool

    my two cents
    Dan
    33' x 52" Swim and Play Inc. PARAGON AGP. Hayward H200 Heater. Hayward Power-Flo LX 1.5hp pump. Sta-Rite Cristal Flo T-210WF Sand Filter. Stenner 45M5 chlorine pump

  15. Back To Top    #15

    Re: Guest (everyday)

    We had a lot of issues with friends and family during our first two years with our pool. Not people swimming without us here, but family members planning cookouts at our house, bringing their dogs, leaving without helping clean up and such. Luckily my wife and I were on the same page and we laid down the law. It was so clear when we got done with them it made my pool water look cloudy (that's pretty clear!)! We have had no issues since. It's your pool. Take control now!
    18' x 36' saltwater inground vinyl pool

  16. Back To Top    #16
    cbink's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    I agree with the others. I would not allow anyone to swim at the house when we weren't home. There's just too much liability involved with that.
    Sounds like laying down the law for next season is probably the best case scenario but I would also agree that you and your wife need to be on the same page.

    Quote Originally Posted by ouachita
    We had a lot of issues with friends and family during our first two years with our pool. Not people swimming without us here, but family members planning cookouts at our house, bringing their dogs, leaving without helping clean up and such. Luckily my wife and I were on the same page and we laid down the law. It was so clear when we got done with them it made my pool water look cloudy (that's pretty clear!)! We have had no issues since. It's your pool. Take control now!
    I already have this and my pool isn't even finished yet. My wife is not as forceful as I am and will give in to keep the peace sometimes even if its utterly inconvenient to her.
    I've already said that I won't host other peoples parties (I don't think I'm going to be too popular with some family for this). I'm happy to host my own parties with people I know (I typically rotate hosting large family get togethers of 30 or so people for thanksgiving and Christmas with another two family members) and I'm happy to share the pool with my neighbors and have them and their kids round but I don't want a bunch of people I don't know in my house and pool, sorry.
    38'x24' freeform IG gunite, 26k gallons, 3.5' - 7'
    8t Moss rock waterfall with gunite slide
    SWCG, 2 x 2.7hp Hayward Tristar pumps, booster pump, 425 sqft cartridge, 400,000 BTU heater, Polaris Black Max 280, ProLogic PS8 & Aquapod

  17. Back To Top    #17

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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    Your story brings to mind of a buddy of mines story he told me about a bunch of people who took over his swimming hole down in Louisiana. He and his cousin went and caught an alligator and dumped it in the swimming hole while they were there. He said all he seen was arses and elbows and they never showed back up. That may give you something to think about.
    18,000 Gallon Aboveground. Sand Filter with 2HP 2 speed Pump.

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    4knights's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    Easy fix for you- Call your insurance company or at least make like you have( Your call based on wife's not caring) tell her and the good friend that insurance company is about to drop the house coverage due to liability when you are not there to supervise. Then install a nice little alarm in case someone decides to just jump in.
    Ron- Kansas. IG fiberglass, Riviera 30 Freeform 13600 gallons,
    EasyTouch 4 w/IC20 SWCG, Pentair Whisperflo 1hp, 2 speed 220 pump, Hayward ProGrid 4820 DE filter using Eco Klean instead of DE, 2 Savi Melody 12v 5 color LEDs, Raypack 266k btu millivolt heater, Arctic Armour Mesh custom safety cover (Total self Install) TF-100 test kit w/Magic stir.

  19. Back To Top    #19
    MikeInNH's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    Wow, I would freak out if someone was in my pool all the time with no one home. Sounds like you need a gate with a big lock on it. Maybe she has something worth asking to borrow all the time like a truck, lawn tractor or something else expensive. Some people are just takers. Hopefully you can get on the same page with your wife, tell her it's stressing you out and making your BP rise because of the liability. That usually helps my wife see the light.
    Mike
    2007 1st full year with AG pool~15k gallons 18'x33' JW
    6/2010 added 2 button Intex SWG-painless except for when reset
    Switched to BBB from Baquacil (couldn't pay me to go back)

  20. Back To Top    #20
    Cherie's Avatar
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    Re: Guest (everyday)

    Five years on a regular basis is way out of line. We had neighbors many years ago (in another neighborhood) who asked if they could swim in our pool while we were away on weekend and we gave permission. When we got back home VERY LATE on Sunday evening, they were still in our pool. And even knowing that we had come home from a long weekend, they didn't offer to get out and go home. We had to tell them that time was up! Next time they asked, we told them not while we are gone. And that was that.

    Your wife should be backing you on this, as I would back my husband. Swim season is almost over. You can get it over with NOW, and not have to fret about it all winter and then look forward to a peaceful opening next spring. Just kindly inform them that you would rather they not put you at risk by swimming in your pool while you are away and that you would love to have them back over SOMETIME when you have a cookout again. That should get the message across...gently.
    32x16 buried Doughboy, 4' shallow - 7' deep
    Pentair Dynamo 1 hp, 2-speed - Pentair 150# SD40 w/zeolite (75#)
    One skimmer/two returns/Aquabot Turbo T2

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