Our neighbors expect an invitation to swim...

Lershac · Posted: June 28th, 2010, 12:54 pm

Ohm_Boy wrote:

Quote:

...kept telling me about how she used to come over all the time to use the pool when the former owners were here.

Makes me want to say "Wow, that must be so sad for you. Maybe you should look them up."

Or... "They said they were moving because of some crazy lady... are you her?" :lol:

And I wouldnt publicize any rumors about nekkidness... that would definitely attract the wrong element.

AnnaK · Posted: June 28th, 2010, 1:32 pm

In another thread on this forum about this very issue, someone suggested the 'white flag invitation'. When you can see the white flag in the yard, the pool is open to visitors.

Then you just never raise that flag

I sympathize with your dilemma. In our case it's not neighbors but friends with dogs who try to wheedle invitations for dog swims. I've agreed with the caveat that a) a human has to be in the pool with each dog, and b) the dog will have to be bathed (via cold water hose) in my yard and blown dry before s/he gets in the pool.

Bathing and drying a German shepherd takes a good hour. It's not a very attractive option. Insisting a human is in the pool with the dog cuts way back on their fantasy of drinking my Pinot Grigio while their dog swims.

You could perhaps modify this to apply to neighbor children by requiring a parent to accompany them. You might not get away with the hose bath and dryer thing, though. Too much fun.

poolgirl22 · Posted: June 28th, 2010, 1:40 pm

AnnaK wrote:

You could perhaps modify this to apply to neighbor children by requiring a parent to accompany them. You might not get away with the hose bath and dryer thing, though. Too much fun.

This nips a LOT of it in the bud....it is our house rule. The exceptions are those children who we have over regularly, such as the ONE neighbor child, nieces/nephews and friends from school. All adults that frequent our pool either when we are here or if out of town know this is the standard answer if someone should slip over. If the neighbors or their kids who never speak a word to us when it's 10 below decide they want to be friends, well, I'm wise to that one.

Henry Porter · Posted: June 28th, 2010, 6:24 pm

Ashbourne wrote:

Honestly, what is it about pools that brings out the rudeness and entitlement in neighbors?!

We have a friendly relationship with our neighbors next door and they have four boys, ages 7 to 14. They are all good swimmers. One of the four (spokesman? guinea pig? patsy? short-straw'er?) comes over Every. Single. Day. to ask if "me and my brothers can go swimming." Sometimes they walk into the house without knocking. Found the 7-year-old at the bottom of our stairs (center hall colonial) the other day, while we and our boys (3yo and 5yo) were upstairs - me, just out of the shower with a towel on.

!!!

Yes, we have told them (and told him again) that they need to come to our FRONT door and ring the bell. Not our back door, not through the gate into the pool area, not over the back fence. "Cheesy Weeze" as my 3yo says! We have also told them they need to wait to be invited to swim - not to come asking. Does no good. Seems their parents are not enforcing that rule - hey, why should they? If we take the 4 boys off their hands for a few hours, free...awesome!

Half the time they show up already in their suits, towels in hand. We invite them to swim at least 2-3 times per week, but it's never enough. If we had them over every day, they would be asking for twice a day. Now my 3yo will not go in the pool with them here - it's too much chaos for him to handle - I am just telling them that it's "our family time to swim."

Anyway - to watermaverick - I agree with previous posters - do not feel bad, whatever you decide. You work hard on your house, your pool...you deserve your privacy. I am very private too and it takes all I have to let them come over - the only reason I do is because my 5yo loves having them over. For the first 2 years I felt bad ever saying no to these kids, but now I have no problem with it when I don't feel like having them over.

You must be a delightful sort of person to endure such behaviour. When I read your story I immediately star to think of my neighbours! Which of them could let the thought cross their minds that they will have unlimited acces to our property! To belive that they can let their children use the pool without them having a realation to our kids. It's totally out of discussion, I would take the parents right away and explain the situation for them, once and for all.
Before I read this thread I haven't spent a second thinking that this could be a problem for us and I certainly hope it not will be.. I build a pool for our family and our friends. Just like someone mentioned, spending time around a pool is a lot more private than other parts of the social life. I woulden't dream of inviting myself to other peoples properties, it's not on the map!

Ashbourne · Posted: June 28th, 2010, 6:35 pm

Henry Porter wrote:

You must be a delightful sort of person to endure such behaviour.

Believe me Mats, I was not nearly so delightful about it the first two years of living here (this is our third summer). But my dear husband kept telling me, "Relax honey, they're just kids." My two boys will be growing up with these boys for a loooong time, and they LOVE playing with them, so I've had to come to terms with their less than mannerly ways or else I'd be miserable.

I do often play the "You can swim if your parents come over to watch you" card, and OOO-BOY that nips it in the bud rather quickly :-D

Now, the kid across the street (12) who's a bully to my 5yo? I wouldn't let him over here under any circumstances. Thankfully he has his own pool, so it's not an issue!

JMarch · **Joined:** January 25th, 2010, 3:53 pm **Posts:** 66

there's always the option of saying:

1) I'm sorry, I don't know you.
2) It'll cost you $10 an hour per person
3) No way in **** your DOG can swim in my pool- what makes you think I want to clean dog hair out of my pool for a week?

Or you can just totally ignore them and their requests and they'll eventually get the message.

Shorelover · Posted: June 28th, 2010, 8:51 pm

My dog loves to swim in rivers and lakes, but does not care for the pool. I can't imagine bringing someone else's dog into my pool, and thankfully no one has asked! He also is quite the watch dog when he's in the fully-fenced yard whenever anyone walks by, and I think people don't quite trust him (he's super-friendly when on leash in the 'hood and is a therapy dog but takes his yard-guarding duties seriously). So that has helped keep neighbors from trying to invite themselves over. Getting a good watch dog is a helpful thing!

I'm sure it's harder if you have young kids, which I don't. I'd certainly want the parents to watch their own children as I wouldn't want that responsibility, and I'd feel "taken advantage of" -- not a free babysitting service! Also, things do sometimes happen -- we just had someone competing in a triathalon neaby drown (don't yet know the cause) but he's reputed to have been a good swimmer.

Theo · Posted: August 9th, 2010, 4:56 pm

I'm a week away from pool ownership and the thought of how to manage this aspect of pool ownership has already crossed my mind.

One of the first rules my wife and I agreed upon was, "If your kid is in the pool, you are IN the pool!" This should prevent some of unextended invitations happening. (The other rule which my wife has not agreed upon, "No Fat Chicks" would also work but may never be put in place)

For now I'm going to enjoy the pool with my friends and family. I'll quickly weed out the freeloaders and go on from there.

Ohm_Boy · Posted: August 9th, 2010, 9:46 pm

POOL RULES:

imwarren · **Joined:** July 8th, 2010, 11:00 pm **Posts:** 17

I must be an odd ball. I kind of have the reverse problem.
While leveling out my yard to install my pool my neighbors and 1 of their friends spontaniously invited them self over with shovles and picks to help. Even though I had been neighbors with them for 5 years, we had only been the friendly greeting type of neighbors. They not only helped for 1 full day of just getting a 2 foot circumfenrce of the pool dug down to level they came back after i used the back hoe to dig the rest and helped haul the sand and set the blocks for under the wall and the rest of the install. I did buy many a case of beer and gave them lifetime passes to use the pool (with adult supervison was only rule given). To this day 4 years later they always nicely ask if they can use the pool. I always tell them no need to ask as long as an adult is arround and most time I myself will take a swim (any excuse to let the yard work go). Do to me building a pool and my neighbors extreem kindness to help, i now have the best friends I guy could ask for. So my suggestion would be have a pool party make it BYOB, F, SS and T (beer food swimsuit and towel). Then see if anyone actually takes you up on it and who acts responsibly. If that doesnt work just ignore their request.

Swamp Thing · Posted: September 21st, 2011, 7:28 pm

My family & I just had our first summer in our new (old) house with our first pool. We bought a home in an established neighborhood with an in-ground pool. We haven't had any neighbors ask or even hint about using our pool. We've been intrusted with a key to one of the neighbor's home 24/7...Weird to have a key but my daughter takes care of their dog when they vacation. One neighbor boy who's close to my sons age has swam a few times and we like having him over.

Our only issue has been family.
One brother in-law...Had his wife...Call my wife to see if he could give swim lessons to their 3 year old. Here's the kicker...He didn't want anyone else in the pool while they swam. Uh...I don't think so...Really? My kids can't swim in their own pool while Uncle gives lessons (BS). Needles to say we said that he was welcome to give lessons (If we were home) but we wouldn't accommodate the stipulation. He never came.

This one chaps me...
Another family member asked if we would like to host a family B-Day (Dessert only...No BBQ) swim party for our niece. Sarcasm starts in 3-2-1 - Oh joy...Can we? I would love to have over a bunch of little pee'ers.
We did agree to host and were glad to be able to provide such a venue for our family. Here's what ticked me off...They didn't show up until the party started. Never called to ask if we needed any help getting things ready i.e. pool/patio cleaning or lawn mowing. We cleaned the house as most do when hosting their own party. I focused on sparkling up the pool days before and the morning of to ensure an inviting oasis. When the party ended we were thanked by the other family members who also did most of the picking up of pool noodles and such. They did bring the dessert but no cups or plates (My wife caved and we provided so no one had to eat with their hands).
:rant:

Question...Is is wrong or weird to ask for a donation towards pool chemicals in a situation such as this?
I like this idea too. Been thinking of putting out a jar that reads "Cash For Your Splash" for those who love to cannon ball my water out onto the cement.

GinaDecor · **Joined:** June 20th, 2011, 10:20 pm **Posts:** 17

Learning how to handle these dilemmas with our new pool. I invited my sister-in-law to bring her children ages 7 and 10 over to swim in our new pool. She said they were busy that day but that she would "drop off the kids and their 3 friends the following day while she went to the gym and went shopping". I tried to gracefully rescind my invitation to no avail, and finally flat out told her I wanted her to be there with her children and I didn't want kids I didn't know over due to liability. She was mad for 3 days but got over it when I invited the family to swim and bar-b-que with us on Sunday. Stand your ground

Our neighbors expect an invitation to swim...

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